My first real understanding of gentle parenting

Being that I was new to gentle parenting, I searched up the gentle advice givers I knew to see what they had to say. I found an article from someone that is known to be gentle, that still suggested imposing consequences. Gentle Parents Unite never suggests consequences.

He first asked me, Why don’t you steal?

I said because it costs the store money.

He pointed out stealing a pack of gum doesn’t really harm a big box store.

“Why don’t you steal?”

Ultimately, it came down to stealing feels wrong TO ME. It hurts me. I don’t like how it feels.

He explained that when we totally remove consequences and judgement; we let our kids access their real inner feelings. When we accept them as they are, no matter what, they can have space to figure it out on their own.

It takes a lot of courage to do this. Especially when it comes to stealing. But if you can go to your child and say to them, “Whatever you choose to do, I will accept” and mean it, you have achieved the highest goal with parenting.

I still struggle with total acceptance. With really being okay with what my child chooses, no matter what. I still have a voice in my head saying I need to control my child, that if I let them “get away with this” they will become the worst I can think of, lazy, selfish. All the words that were thrown at us as children when we didn’t comply.

That was my first lesson in understanding no consequence, gentle parenting and genuine acceptance. It’s something I’m still working on doing all the time, but it’s a valuable lesson.

Let me know your biggest parenting struggles in the comments. I’ll be happy to address them in future articles.

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