I Remember the Day You Told Me

Some memories have stayed so lucid….

I remember the day you told me

The fragrance of paranthas and omelettes hangs in the air from the meal
we have just devoured, steaming mugs of tea perfuming us with cardamom
My heart, after this morning’s frenzied beating, is soft like butterfly wings
lying on a mattress on the floor, scattered newspapers, comics in my hands
aftermath of a lazy Sunday morning…the phone rings!
You pick it up knowing it will be for you. No one calls me in this new world…
You speak quietly for a while, then grow increasingly agitated and louder
The acoustic ceiling looks down at me with its thousand questioning eyes
Are you having an affair I whisper…not with her, not anymore you say…
I remember the day you told me

I have stopped breathing…inhale…exhale…
the first warm breeze of spring brushes my naked arms
cardamom tea turns to bitterness in my mouth
my chest constricts, my stomach knots ready to vomit
my legs are shaking from the shock…breathe…breathe…
another woman, your one true love you say…
all this time…with me struggling to win you back…
when there was no chance at all you would be mine?
I want you to stop talking…I want it to be untrue
I remember the day you told me

When you are happy I will be alone
how could I not have known…
…I wish I were dead…inhale…exhale…
I remember we went to the lake later that Sunday
I remember agreeing to sharing a home with her
or splitting your time between her and me…
me and your one true love, with her child in tow
I remember telling you I wanted you to be happy
I killed myself instead of killing you that day.
I remember the day you told me, in my twenty-fifth year.

He Answers

I remember the day Juhi found out
Donna B calling me, wanting to know
if she should go out with Arcy,
trying to convince her yes without letting on
that I am the one who has told him to date her.
She is bony and clingy, I have too much to handle
he has never had a woman

Juhi asking if I am with another woman.
My saying yes and starting to cry
I smell the smoky carpet, clean linen
In bed naked, Juhi next to me
looking confused, concerned
Having to lie, crying, cheating,
my life of love and pain

I remember the day Juhi found out

I remember Juhi trying to ask
about who this other woman is.
I recall wondering if it will matter
that it is not only Donna B
I tell her everything about Dee,
my love. my life. my guilt.
This is not so hard, after all

I remember the day Juhi found out
My legs stretched out in bed
I want a resolution to my dilemma
I need love and appreciation
I wish to have it without telling Juhi
But don’t know how long I can wait
I remember feeling

conflicted. love hungry. respect needy.
success wanting. Longing.

I remember Juhi crying
I remember the late morning

I remember the day I told Juhi

©JkMansi Juhi Kalra 2018. All rights reserved.

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