How Vacationships are a Practice in Authenticity

And what non-travelers can learn from them

We were lying in my bed underneath the air conditioner trying to escape the 100 degree heat and 60 percent humidity. The sun had just streamed in through a gap in the two buildings across the foyer of my condo complex, shining light onto our faces where we rested. It was the middle of the day and between the rising temperature and the long morning of work, it was time to take a break.

We had stripped down to allow the air conditioner to dry the dripping sweat from our bodies. We were turned towards each other talking about nothing in particular when he asked me, “You have a dark hair on your lip. Want me to get it?”

“Uh, sure.” I said, as I felt warmth rush to my cheeks. We had only been dating a week and I was caught off guard at his level of comfort with me.

As he grabbed the tweezers from my bathroom I went into defense mode. As a woman, you’re not supposed to have little black hairs on your face. I told him about an enzyme deficiency I was recently found out about with which results in little black hairs.

He didn’t seem to be listening. He bent over me, holding the tweezers awkwardly like a child learning how to hold chopsticks while he identified the hair. He put it into the tweezers and gave a little yank.

“Ah, I didn’t get it!” he exclaimed, as he repositioned himself for a second and third try. I started to chuckle, he was so determined. It wasn’t until the fourth try that he pulled it out.

“Satisfied?” I asked.

“Nope, not yet!” as he scoured my body for more out of place hairs. He found a second hair and tried to pull. After another four attempts he couldn’t pull it out.

“Okay, here, turn it at this angle and pull. I’ll show you.” I pulled out the hair and started to explain to him how to do it. Was I really teaching him how to properly tweeze?

“Okay, me next!” he said to me as he passed me the tweezers.

I was surprised by the level of comfort he had with me. He didn’t care that by normal social standards that was a weird thing to ask. He didn’t think that he should act in a specific way. He was being authentic to himself. In that situation although I was a little embarrassed, I was comfortable sharing myself with him.

That sentence really struck me. Wasn’t that something that I was experiencing in relationships much shorter than 8 months? Ones that were just days or weeks old? I felt like being tweezed by a man I just started to date was one of a series of events of similar situations.

I didn’t feel like I ever really needed to be “on”. I felt comfortable with my partners from early in the relationship. I didn’t need to hide my unattractive moods, or display my weird neuroses, we all have them. It seemed like my partners were the same. In short, we were comfortable with being authentic.

Once relationships develop from a friendship into a vacationship we learn to become comfortable quickly. We learn to be our authentic selves because there isn’t any motivation to be anything else. You don’t have to worry about someone rejecting you because you already know it’s going to end. When our ego’s are removed from the relationship we’re able to easily give and receive love.

Vacationships are a practice in living authentically. As you have more vacationships you’re inadvertently trained to be less scared about authenticity in relationships. The more people you’re accepted by, the less scary being yourself is. You begin to require authenticity in all your relationships because they’re more meaningful and more confident in your own skin.

Authenticity expands beyond just romantic relationships and is an essential component of human connection. In order feel loved and accepted we have to be authentic.This means sharing your true self with others, regardless of potential consequences. Whether you’re in a vacationship, a relationship, or

Here are a few great ways to get started.

Get to Know Yourself

Generating self awareness comes with time. As you enter new situations take time to ask yourself how you feel. Are you spending time with a new group of people or starting a new relationship? Take the time to feel the response in your body to the new people in your life. Observe when you are comfortable vs when you are uncomfortable. Start placing yourself in situations and surrounding yourself by people who you feel comfortable being yourself around.

Identify if you’re acting how you ‘should be’ vs who you are. Do you often feel like you should be different? That you’re trying to prove your worth or that you’re good enough. Start identifying when you feel this way.

Share More

We all crave authenticity in our lives. Many people feel like they don’t have meaningful connections with people in their lives. One way to generate this is to share what’s actually going on in our lives with new people.

When someone asks us how we’re doing we typically default to ‘Oh I’m good, how are you?’ instead of saying something real. We don’t open up our problems or share with people because we worry that we’re oversharing. People respond to authenticity with authenticity. If you tell people how you’re really doing, and express genuine interest in how they’re doing, you’re more likely to build stronger bonds.

One thing many of us default to in relationships is agree to our prospective partner, especially in the early stages of dating. Even if we don’t agree with something in our heads, we will still nod encouragingly. Sometimes it’s easier to agree than disagree. We worry people won’t like us, or we won’t bond as much. Sharing your opinion or disagreeing can actually strengthen your relationships because having a conversation around your differences builds trust in the relationship.

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