Hover Over Me

I am standing near the table in my room, adjacent to my bed where mum is seated, weeping. I can see her, but she can’t see me though I know she wishes she could.

She’s calling my name again, and her lips are trembling with each syllable.

“Alexander,” she says. But there is no reply.

She looks different, but not in a good way. Her eyes are sitting atop dark puffs of flesh, and her skin is pale.

How long has she been wearing nothing but a piece of cloth, loosely wrapped around her body? Since I left her presence? She runs a shaky hand through her hair, further dishevelling it.

“Alex,” she mutters. “Come back to mummy.”

She curls up on the bed and hugs her knees tight.

“I’m here,” I say. But she does not hear.

I move closer and lie next to her. It was better when I was here, my real self. Where I am, is a land of many that hover like me, that drift around our former world and look into the eyes of those we once knew.

And how did I get here? To this new world, I mean. The truth is, I do not know. One day I was there, the next day I was here, just like that.

The only thing I remember is trying out some tablets mummy used to take when she got sad or anxious. They looked just like mints, but yellow.

Mummy would take many of these pills, about half a dozen; then her sadness would be replaced by a happy calm.

She never swallowed them in my presence, you see. I would peek through her keyhole and see it for myself. “I’d like to try it one day,” I would say to myself. And so I did.

I suppose that’s what took me to this new world, the pills I mean. The man wearing a white overall told mummy they could kill. An overdose, he said. He called himself a psychiatrist. That’s what his business card called him anyway, the one that fell out of his pocket as he was leaving our house.

I didn’t believe him though, that the yellow mints could kill because mummy always seemed better after she took them. More airy, happier.

I wanted to feel what she felt. And so, one day when she was fast asleep upstairs, I crept in her room and opened a shoebox under her bed, where she hid…

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